(Avery = goodtwn_av. And...this took a life of it's own. She decided she wanted to break my heart again.)

"I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay.."
~Fergie

~~~~

"Evie, have you said goodbye?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you ever say goodbye to Dougie? Have you been to his grave?"

"...no. I-I can't do that."

"You can. I think you need to. It's been three years now."

"No."

"That's our goal. Before our next meeting, Evie, I want you to say goodbye to Dougie."

( .... )

1532

Experience suggests it doesn't matter so much how you got here, as what you do after you arrive. -Lois McMaster Bujold, Barrayar

The doctor sat quietly in his chair, studying Evie closely. She kept her eyes on her hands as she scraped at her nails. She hated these afternoons. Somehow, the first time around with therapy hadn't been terrible. Sure she'd resisted it, but it worked itself through. This time...she couldn't. The man sitting across from her knew her, knew everything that had happened those years before. He'd gotten her to talk before, but he wouldn't know. She almost didn't want him to know that she wasn't better. All these years later, she was supposed to be "fixed". She wasn't. Far from it.

( .... )

415

Evie was curled up on the couch reading a book when the front door opened. She bit her lip and got to her feet, intending to go lay down in Kala's bed. She ran into Lani in the hallway and they stopped to stare at each other. Things had been silently tense over the couple days since their fight. To make things worse, Kala had packed up to spend the week with Ben. Apparently the tension was too much on her and she wanted to get away before she said something stupid.

Lani sighed and brought her hand up to scratch her brow. She looked to the floor and her hair fell across her eyes. "Are you planning on leaving?" She couldn't get it out in more than a quiet tone.

"Working on it," Evie replied in the same tone. She crossed her arms over her chest and watched a spot on the wall above Lani. She let her weight lean back on one foot as she waited for whatever her sister had to say.

( .... )

1155

(This was meant to be cross posted, it was a written for a prompt in her sister's journal [alohasmile], but I never did. Oops. And since I'm getting ready to write a follow up I figured I should post it. Takes place about a week ago, in NYC while Evie is visiting her sisters.)

Kala and Lani had been on the couch watching television. It had been awhile since they had been home together, so they had dinner and relaxed. Evie, who was supposedly visiting, wasn't around. Neither were quite sure where she was spending her time.

Sometime before midnight, when Lani was getting ready to head for bed, the front door opened. They both looked up as Evie walked into the living room. She had been drinking again, and it was obvious to both sisters. Until then, it had remained mostly unspoken. Kala bit her lip and kept her eyes to the TV. Whatever was going on between her sisters was getting too much for her. She hated fighting.

"Have fun?" Lani asked quietly, but dryly. Evie gave her oldest sister a blank stare then sat down on Kala's other side.

"Tons," Evie replied.

"Is that how you're gonna spend all your time here? Going out wherever and getting drunk?" All three sisters had their eyes on the TV as Lani spoke.

"Beats being here."

( .... )

1001

1. Hang glide.
2. Sky dive.
3. Bungee jump.
4. Visit Ireland and get really really drunk in a pub.
5. Find myself a hot Irish man or two.
6. Buy a motorcycle.
7. Camp out in Yosemite.
8. Sex with the lead singer of Linkin Park. He's hot. Though..maybe any hot rock star will do.
9. Figure shit out.
10. Go on a cruise.

"Is it really him or the loss of my innocence. I've been missing so much." Deana Carter

She didn't know what brought it on or why. She didn't know where she was going or how she'd really get there. But she had to go.

Few things in a suitcase, Dougie's hat securely on her head, she walked out the door. Went to the bus station. She stared at the departures and tried to think what would be a good place. Okay, so maybe it hadn't been such a rash decision. She'd done the mature thing for once and notified her work. Her roommate and friend, Matt, probably being the only reason she had such consideration to them.

She said she'd be back in a week.

All she knew was that she couldn't breathe. She needed to be somewhere where she could breathe. Oh how she missed her car. The complete solitude that came with the open road she drove. Because honestly, she could deal with being alone. It was a harsh feeling at times, but it was so much better to be alone while alone than be alone when there were people there. Less noticeable and on her own terms.

She didn't know where she wanted to go.

Knees pulled up, arms around her legs, she sat in one of the hard plastic chairs. She didn't know where to go. Home wasn't an option, nor was New York.

Her face fell to her knees and she let out a shaky exhale. Dougie would know what to say to her. He'd know how to wrap his arms around her and kiss her cheek and tell her everything would be okay. And she'd believe him. Maybe that's all she wanted. Someone to tell her it would be okay. She just wasn't sure anyone could assure her quite like Dougie. And she was really starting to believe it wouldn't be okay. She was starting to believe she just wanted to stop feeling it all.